MUSCLEWORKS GYM ORPINGTON

Muscleworks markets itself as the most professional fitness gym in the UK, which may sound a touch ambitious, but once you’re inside, you can see why their confidence is justified.

IMAGE SOURCE: MUSCLEWORKS GYM ORPINGTON

The scene is set before you even open the door.

A large warehouse tucked behind industrial units, a car park densely populated with most of BMW’s back catalogue, and a steady stream of hoodies with ‘Muscleworks’ proudly stitched into the fabric. This is not a gym you stumble into by accident. This is a destination. You come here because you know what it is — and you want to be part of it.

Muscleworks in Orpington is, unapologetically, a bodybuilding gym. And just in case you are in any doubt, feel free to enjoy the full display of sinew and low body fat percentages on your right as soon as you walk through the door.

Most of the members could have been plucked straight from a Gymshark catalogue, but it is pleasing to see a great majority proudly sporting Muscleworks’ own branded activewear. The bent barbell and bulked figure logo does carry considerable clout within the local bodybuilding world. Observing someone out in the wild wearing a Muscleworks hoodie, you do almost look on with veneration. Ooh — they train at Muscleworks. It feels aspirational. Like something to aim for in your training trajectory.

Although initially the gym itself appears to be stuck inside a 1950s television set, its monochrome interior decor is crisp and oddly calming, with the equipment that it envelopes perfectly in tune with the times and its industrial surroundings. These aren’t just pieces of kit — they’re machines. Built to work - working to make you a stronger and healthier individual, rather than simply go through the motions.

But scratch beneath the chalk and you’ll discover a gym built on some pleasingly old school principles.

Three full floors of well-maintained, smart kit. Proper metal plates everywhere, providing a reassuring metallic soundtrack as you go about your business. No novelty nonsense. No gimmicks. Just lots of solid, well-chosen equipment that knows exactly what it’s there to do.

Layout-wise it’s refreshingly simple. Upper body lives downstairs. Then, if you’re the sort of person who actually acknowledges the existence of leg day, you head up one floor. And finally, right at the very top, if you’ve got the capacity, cardio. I’ve no idea if this layout was intentional, but it did make me chuckle.

There’s a calm competence to the place, no doubt encouraged by those running it. The management and coaching team is almost entirely female, which is genuinely refreshing, and contributes to the feeling of a gym without judgement. You can train hard here without feeling watched. Unless, of course, that's what you want, because let’s be honest: this is a show-off gym. Not in a bad way. Just a very honest one.

If you’re the sort of person who films every set in case the two hours you spent training slips your mind, the lighting, colour palette and hues will provide the perfect backdrop for your instagram feed. If, however, you’re less keen on having your workout captured from fifteen different camera angles, you may feel slightly out of place.

The same applies if your training leans towards functional work. There’s no sled track, no real functional area - so if you’re after a kettlebell and some ropes, probably go elsewhere.

This place is about physique, and it doesn’t pretend otherwise, which annoyingly extends to a posing room - something I would ban. But again, that’s the market Muscleworks is targeting, and judging by how busy the place is, it’s working.

Membership sits just under £45 a month which feels reasonable — especially when compared to Crayford Weights. Factor in the on-site kitchen, massage and treatment rooms, range of kit, and even an on-site barber, and it’s kind of a no-brainer. The opening hours are also great for a non twenty four hour; open 5-11 on weekdays and 8 till 8 at the weekend.

Which brings us to the big question - which is better, Muscleworks Orpington or Crayford Weights?

Well, in truth they are very similar. If Crayford Weights is Arnie, Muscleworks is Bumstead. Two sides of the same coin - but more the coin that Two Face uses in Batman. One side more polished, the other slightly more old school rough and ready. There’s room for both, and for both to do what they do extremely well.

It’s not really a question of which I prefer. They serve slightly different tribes. Much like Crayford, I personally wouldn’t train here every day. There’s too much peck-checking, not enough functional space, and the whole thing feels like an experience rather than a home.

But as a place to visit? To soak up the atmosphere? To remind yourself why you train in the first place, and leave feeling great?

Absolutely.

Muscleworks knows exactly what it is, who it’s for, and how it wants to be seen — and it executes that vision exceptionally well. If physique is your priority, if environment matters to you, and if you like your gyms to feel a bit more special than your average Better Gym, this place makes perfect sense.